I am interested, Dear Reader, in not being a hypocrite and in being a good person. I think I can do this. While the execution may, admittedly, be lacking at times… I believe the idea is sound. I never want to hurt anyone on purpose (or on accident, for that matter). I never want to make anyone uncomfortable or unhappy. I want to train any trace of vindictiveness out of my personality. It’s there, of course. As mentioned in your intro course to Terin, I am only human. I am currently going through a phase where I would love to hear that The Second is failing in all his endeavors, but I’m certain it will pass. I am, as luck would have it, not a grudge holder. If you’ve wronged me in some way, I will never turn down an apology. Even if you don’t apologize, I find, I will still forgive you anyway.
The problem, though, is that this is really a great way to get walked all over.
Perhaps therein lies the flaw in anyone’s quest to be a nice person. We have to choose, don’t we? Between opening our hearts and letting people in, and closing our hearts to keep the pain out. Every slight dealt to us by clumsy hands makes it that much harder to forgive and forget. This really isn’t the fairest of setups either, seeing as how the next person to come along in our lives will invariably be made to carry the brunt of a hurt that they had no part in creating. So, what do we do? Do we trust indiscriminately through the pain? Do we make the decision to not be embittered by past events, and just believe with some kind of blind faith that not everyone can be bad? That not everyone will hurt us? Ideally, yes. The truth, however, is that we rarely have a choice in how we feel.
In any case, I don’t want to be bitter. I want to always have an open heart and mind, and I want always to be able to forgive someone when they say they’re sorry. I’m not there yet, obviously, but I’m working on it.
Also, in a completely unrelated side note: I’m dating Scott Pilgrim. I know that I’m dating Scott Pilgrim because I’ve read the books and have been awed by page after page of uncanny similarities between the written character, and my boyfriend. Could it be a coincidence? Maybe. Could it be that these books were really written about my boyfriend? I find this far more likely. I guess that makes me Ramona Flowers… which, I mean, is fine as long as I don’t have to get that haircut. Anyhow, The Third will hereafter always be referred to as Scott.
Until next time.